Mrs. Lanti’s Love and Chewing Gum

Love is mysterious
as many scholars, wisemen,
wizards, philosophers, had tried
to interpret the meaning of
the substantial thing of life
nevertheless, the meaning of love
depends on the ones who felt it, alright

As for me
love is a sad story
like a chewing gum
which was thrown to the trash can
after the temporary pleasure
in the mouth of my beloved

___
Made as an example for the ones who can’t make a poem (Marsha Nadianaputri S.)

Light and Darkness – Stanza 1

A Boy, The Light, and The Darkness

O humble light, please hear me

Please hear my pleads, cure my pain

Bring me salvation, bring me joy

For you are beautiful

Plain beautiful

And modest, and kind, ad gentle

And warm, and sweet, and all

O Humble light, please hear me

You must know that i love you

I love you because i want to love you

Engulf me in your warmth

Embrace me in your arms

Protect me from the darkness

O mighty darkness, hear my call

Hear my stories, and envy my joys

Hate my existence, hate my happiness

For you are too beautiful

Very beautiful

And royal, and powerful, and tempting

And cool, and passionate, and all

O mighty darkness, hear my call

You know that i love you

I love you, because i can’t help but to love you

Taint me with your passion

Rule me with your might

Stole me from the light

O humble light, O mighty darkness

Hear my call, and hear it carefully

I’m just a boy, stuck between you both

I’m just a boy, who love you both

I’m just a boy, a selfish boy

Who want to have you both, who want to love you both

O humble light, O mighty darkness

You know that i can’t choose

And i know that i won’t be chosen

But now, i’m feeling quite content

So please, let this moment be

And please let this story be, frozen in time

Please, light and darkness

Light and Darkness – The Prelude

There’s this light, and there’s this darkness

There’s this boy, who’s stuck in the middle

And then, there’s this one story

About the boy

About the light

About the darkness

And so, the story began to unfold

Black and White – End?

Black and White

Was never destined to be one

Because what’s the similarity between them?

Or between Christ and belial?

Or between light and dark

From the moment I’ve crushed on you,

I already knew this would happen

I just don’t expect this to come so fast

 

Black and White

Have you ever heard that black is beautiful?

While, although white is holy,

We can’t find the holiness everywhere

And white’s just plain and modest

While black is royal and powerful

 

Black and White

Forwarding the passage above

I’m telling you

Even if you’re not only Black

But also White

That you’re beautiful,

Able, kind, clever, knowledgeable,

Silent, thoughtful, observant, quiet,

Mature, organized, modest, calm,

Yet complex, but still attractive, and smart

 

Black and White

I’m just a pile of damaged goods

As you can see that I have many flaws and scars

And I can’t match you

Even if I’m trying now

Maybe it would be too late

 

Black and White

I thank you

Because you didn’t see me that way

But you thought in the same wavelength as I

And thought about one real thing

One real thing that shaped everyone

One real thing that differs everyone

One real thing that’s called faith

 

Black and White

In this last poem

I thank you for everything

For your inspiring beauty

For your mask

For your words

And I’m sorry

If I ever hurt you

Or caused you a single pain

During my steps

During my existence

Because I’m very grateful

That I could meet you

That I could meet your eyes

Just remember

That you’re beautiful

And will always be

In my eyes

Thank you, Black and White

For everything

 

 

 

 

 

 

-Male-

Black and White – Faith

This is not about the historical character

this is about the feelings of a chaotic person

if you are disappointed turn your back now

please

 

she is probably an angel

he is probably a demon

she is not a demon

he is not an angel

she is not the same as a demon

he is not the same as an angel

she is different with a demon

he is different with an angel

she is possibly an angel

he is possibly a demon

 

but one thing for sure

they are human

but something stands between them

it’s not about someone

it’s about something

something

called

faith

 

-Black and White-

Black and White – When You’re Holding A Gun

When you’re holding a gun…

soon enough you’ll pull the trigger…

and the bullet will flashed out before your eyes…

so that it will hit the target you aimed…

soon enough…

 

well, that’s the analogy of what’s happening to me right now

I’ve held the gun long enough

and I’ve aimed it at her after putting on the silencer

but although I’m still uncertain to kill her

I accidentally pull the trigger

at first it was a soft pull

then it grew harder and harder

until I subconsciously pull the trigger

and in that great hall

I could see her and some people noticed the blitz of the exploding magazine

they all came closer towards the origin of the blitz

some saw me earlier than the other

but all of them saw me now

and they began to tell their relation about me

about the disguised assassin

I could not run

for I would attract all of their attention

and now I froze there with the silenced gun hidden in my sleeves

and I could noticed the guards were about to make their moves

and I was late to escape now

I have to face it

now and then and (maybe) forever?

I don’t know when it will last

but I think I could survive if they only make assumptions

and the bullet hit her before they could throw me to the bottomless pit of jail

so that I can run before their eyes carrying my throphy of death

and I can put the throphy in pride and modesty

and I can remember it forever just like a sweet memento from her

 

 

-Black and White-

Black and White – Could I Love You My Way?

I just realized this

when I saw how other pairs act

I was confused

because I just realized

that eros still hated me

although I’m a bit thankful for that

but the question struck my mind until now

a simple question with a complicated answer

 

“Do my love is that powerful?“

 

I hated the question very much

although I’m a bit thankful for it

because if I did not realize it sooner

then maybe it will be a disastrous question

when she asked me that question

 

So, I learned many things from the question

that first, even if I dreamed of you every passing nights

it’s still questionable

that second, even if I shouted in my mind that I love you

it’s still questionable

that third, even if you are my center of gravitation

it’s still questionable

that fourth, if I want to make it unquestionable,

then I have to prove it

sooner, better, harder, faster,

to you

 

But I still have my own problems

just call me paranoia

for I am afraid to hurt you when I try to take the steps

or when I am trying to love you more and more

in every passing days

but still, it’s very questionable

in any ways in my point of view

thus, I need your answer

from this question

 

“Could I love you my way?“

 

 

-Black and White-

Black and White – Mask

Maybe you’ve realized

that everyone wears a mask

and we’re dancing on a ball of life drama

altogether, not knowing about each other

and feel the safety of the mask

the invisible yet strong mask named persona

 

We’re unaware about each other

for we could not see beyond the mask

although it’s invisible physically

for it’s a huge wall in the nature of soul

yet

we’re still grateful

and thankful for it

as we feel safe

and we don’t have to be burdened

by something beyond the mask

 

But for anyone who are keen enough

to sought what’s beyond the mask

then they’ll encounter things

that they’ve never expect before

some grow fond of it

some are fascinated

some are amazed

some are still grateful for it

but some are scared and regretful

while others scarred the face indifferently

 

as you might know

I, too, wear a mask

an apathetic mask of lies and hate

a mask which I’ve shown you that day

a mask which you could never imagined

but could only be seen in reality

when I was off guard just like at that time

 

yes, I was off guard

because like a few

I wear two masks at once

one mask I used everyday to be seen

and one apathetic mask I used everyday

in case that I was off guard

for I, too, like many others

dislike insecurity

and like my own privacy

 

But as you can see

my masks were cracked

maybe you could not see the greed in my eyes when I saw you

for I could not lust on you

but I believe if you pay enough attention

then you could see my mouth clearly

a mouth muttering about God and you

about things you’ve never dreamed of

about me, myself, and I

about my feelings for you

an everlasting feeling which I could not said yet

 

I would like to take my masks off of my face

but I fear about what your reaction would be

if you see me without my masks

without my daily mask and my apathetic mask

I’m afraid that if I take off my masks

then you’ll fear me

you’ll despise me

you’ll kill me and torture me mentally

as you did nowadays

when I know that you’re not mine

yet I think of you

yet I think of taking my masks off

yet I dreamed of you

for I love you

more and more in every passing days

and I want to be with you

more and more in every passing days

but I fear you

if I ever take off my masks

and I hope

it’s not getting more and more in every passing days

but lesser and lesser in every passing days

because this is one of my final steps

that is to take off my masks before your eyes

to prove that you could have anything from me

aside from my faith

to prove that I’ll take off my masks in front of you

because I believe in you

and I hope you could take off your mask

at least just for a while

at least just for that time

and reveal your feelings for me

to set a start on our path

or put and end for my misery

 

 

-Black and White-

Black and White – the Step

Well, thank you for your kindness

although I did not deserve it

maybe you did not realize it

but it feels a lot for me

for I now have take a step forward

and the tile are falling apart behind me

so I could not step backward

or repeat the days behind me

I once again thank you for your kindness

for your innocence and spirit

as I could be drawn closer with you

a little

 

only a little?

yes

maybe it’s little

or maybe it’s tiny

but it’s not about the size

it’s about the step

 

as long as there is a step

no matter the size

you’ll reach your goal

no matter the length

as long as you keep stepping

you’ll overcome it

 

for now, I say it for myself

to make a smile on my apathetic face

to color the paleness of a face of a zombie

to bring wramth in the cold heart

to make hot blood flows once more in the dead veins

to move my numb tendons

to make a step

 

Because all I could think for now

is how I could make a step

for I would suffer if I hurt you when I stepped

for maybe I could drag you around when I stepped

for maybe I could step on your personal things

for maybe I could hurt you on the slightest movement

 

So, please

I want to make a step

and I want to take a step at a time

not alone

but be with you

but don’t hesitate when I dragged you around

or when I hurt you

or when I step on your things harder than I should step

just tell me

I will and am opened to you

 

If you want to expose the dark liquid that enveloped my heart

then just ask

and I would rip my chest in front of you

and take any pain in your eyes

and pour it on my blackened heart

which beats slowly and insignificantly

just like my step pace

which is slow and insignificant

 

Until the time come

I want you to be with me

please

only God could forbid me from being with you

therefore

until He forbid me

I would take a step at a time

slowly

insignificantly

to you

for you are one of my longest personal goal

and I could not give up

but I could make a short step

short, slowly, insignificant,

but it will deliver me to you

because it’s not just a short, slowly, insignificant, thing

but it’s a step

 

 

 

-Black and White-

Black and White – Fear Not

I curiously seek it out

at first I didn’t expect it

but when the words alligned each other

and my mind raced the time

I was crushed by the speeding words that stood there like a mighty pillar

I could see the fragments of me blowed away by the force of reaction

but I could not feel the destruction

for I’ve gone through it over and over

and the effect was nullified in a fraction of seconds

when I saw a grip of your words

 

I’m silenced when I recited the words you left

my eyes are pinned on the words on my screen

it was hollow within me when I thought about  them

it was very still and I was breathless

I wanted to seek it out

I wanted to dig the secrets of your heart

but I hated to hurt you

I wanted to be yours

but I hated to bring you pain

for I held more pain than you

I believe in that

but I could not ask you to comfort me

for you’re still far away from my world of glass

and our stars have crossed

 

But I wanted to be able to be with you

I wanted to be able to comfort you

although I fear myself

for it’s capability to hurt you

but I want to comfort you all the time

to make you realize that you will always have someone you could rely to

to make you realize that you could unleashed your fear on me

to make you realize that you could be strong in me

 

So, fear not

for I’m always here

for I wanted to help

for I wanted to be a comfort for you

although I realized that I’m a man of glass

and I could hurt you

but please don’t fear me

or anybody

for I’m here to comfort you

as long as you tell me your fear

you would not have anything to fear

as long as I’m here

you would not have anything to fear

for I’m the fear itself

and if you dared to be with me

then you’ve overcome the fear itself

for there’s nothing to fear

aside from the fear itself

and if you could overcome it

then should you have anything to fear?

 

-Black and White-